StoryHelix
StoryHelix
Ayisha Elliott & Eric Richardson
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Join Ayisha Elliott and Eric Richardson, two Eugene Community Leaders, (and siblings!) talk about their family history and experiences in Eugene, Oregon across a gap of 10 years .
You can read more about the project, about Wordcrafters in Eugene, about our sponsors and community partners, and send in your own Lane County, Oregon stories at StoryHelix.Wordcrafters.Org.
Thanks for listening!
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You're listening to StoryHelix: Intertwining
stories past, present, and not yet
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imagined in Lane County, Oregon.
What's up, earthlings? I'm Leah Velez and
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I'll be your host. The story
we're about to hear was recorded at Oakshire
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Brewing Company in the Whiteaker neighborhood of
Eugene, Oregon, in early 2022.
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Let's open up
our ear nuggets and give it a listen.
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Eric: Yeah, I'm really happy to be
here with Ayisha, my sister.
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This is Eric Richardson, born
1968 in
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St.Louis, Missouri. Ayisha: and I am
Ayisha Elliott. Well, formerly and originally,
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Ayisha Richardson, and I'm here, born
in Eugene, Oregon,
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and we're going to do this together. With my big
brother! All right, let's go.
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Eric: All Right. Ayisha: Wait, I want to ask
a question first. So how did you,
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or really our family, come to
live in Oregon?
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Eric: yeah, I mean that's a, you know, that's a very direct question,
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but you know, I'm going
to try to get to that in
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a very around about way.
Yeah--Ayisha: tell the story--Eric: yeah, because our family,
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but, as you know, African
American family. We have in our
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family, six kids, seven if you
count all of mom and dad's kids.
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And so my mother, Barbara Ann,
your mother, Barbara Ann Young, it's
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a maiden name, born in 1940
in St Louis Missouri, and our father,
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[?] Carlton, born in
1944 in St Louis,
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Missouri. All right. And so
these are two African American individuals, both
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actually, for the most part,
single children. Ayisha: Now I was gonna say that
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Eric: Right. Yeah, and their families
raised in basically, I would say,
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almost middle class setting in St Louis, as far as the Black community is
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concerned, in many ways the Black
community in the 50s, 40s, is better
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off than the Black community is today, if you look at statistics. And
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so both of them, in some way, were associating with their
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church, both of them were educated,
and in fact, both of them served in
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Ayisha: the US army, Eric: in fact,
as did both of their fathers, World
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War II, you know. So. So we come from an African American
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family that's kind of rooted and St.
Louis and in service to the country and
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the relationship to the country, you have... We have a relationship right. So
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Anyway, mom and dad were married
in 1967
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and at that time, from what
I understand, is that that was really a
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volatile time in our nation, but
it was also a time of like great
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awakening in the Black community. You
know, the idea, Liberation, Freedom,
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Civil Rights, was going on.
And Mom, you know, in
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1967, was a twenty seven year old Black woman.
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Ayisha: Yeah. Wild. Eric: With two children. Who was fully conscious, but who was a single child and whose
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parents really kind of sheltered her
in many ways. You know,
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because she went to school, she became a nurse, she was a second
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lieutenant in the army and then,
and what's really interesting about her as well,
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even though she was second lieutenant and when it was known
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that she was pregnant at that time, she was discharged from the army for
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being pregnant. You know, what kind
of mess is that? You know I'm saying? So
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she is part of this
whole idea of rights in many different ways,
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not just racial rights, and so
she's observed a lot of stuff.
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But then dad, you know,
who was twenty four years old,
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you know, someone who had already
served in the military and was out of
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the military by time he was nineteen
because he got in under age. Ayisha: right, illegally.
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Eric: You know, we don't know,
illegally. Or from what our
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I'm not sure...
because it was that
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or going to jail, you know, type
of thing. You know, I'm not
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sure how that happened, but he
went in early, and he served
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time and then nineteen years old
he's back in the city after being
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in the military. Ayisha: Right. Eric: And
so he married mom young, I think
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it was twenty four, you know, by time when he married mom and so
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the idea is that mom and dad were
two young people in the time of Black
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consciousness and they were actually part of
a revolutionary type of group at the time
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called the Black Artist Group, otherwise
known as BAG. And BAG was an artistic
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group that brought poets, musicians,
dancers, and others together to explore Black expression
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and Black creativity. So they
had many performances that are not, you
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know, not very well documented,
you know, but there's been a book
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written about it. They came out
of that movement and then during the late
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60s, but in 1968, as
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as we all know, Dr. King was
assassinated. And there are those at the
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time who even thought Dr. King was
lightweight. And for Dr. King to be
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assassinated, when there are people asking for
a lot more than what Dr. King was
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was asking for, and in a
lot more direct forward ways. It was
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it was just stunning and hurtful,
you know, and I think that a
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lot of people who at that time
who were part of the creative artistic movement.
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Were looking for a way to
do something else, and so mom
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and dad were part of a group
of people who are looking west, actually in
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this is the whole kind of romantic
thing... Ayisha: Right. Eric: We're going to go
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west, we're going to find free
space, we're going to find this idea
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of expression and freedom and where we
can be ourselves...Ayisha: the artists, Eric: Artists
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, right, and and multiculturalists,
because they were groups of folks, White
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and Black, that we're talking about. That same unit at Washington University in
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St Louis. So we're talking about
Jewish kids and and others, you know,
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Asian kids and Black folks. Ayisha: That's what they were hoping for
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in the west. Eric: Yeah... and then we're going
to go west and we're going to bring
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this and we're going to have this, you know, egalitarian existence, and
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that's kind of what you find the
whole idea about the movement here in the
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Willamette Valley, you know, with
the Country Fair and people being freethinking and
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you know. So they ended up
being here in 1971.
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Ayisha: Right. Eric: You
know, as part of that movement,
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as Black, as a Black couple with
at that time three children, because it
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was only myself, Billy and John.
Ayisha: Oh right. Eric: That showed up here from
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St Louis in 1971. And so they originally
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actually, we were out in Cottage
Grove area and landed in the commune,
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as far as I understand. You
know, Ayisha: Right. Eric: Because that was the
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connection and the people they knew,
and there are some folks living free in
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a commune in Oregon, Ayisha: Right.
Eric: And they went there, but and they
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only lived there for several months,
you know, when they first
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got here, and dad was a home
dad, which meant he was a part
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of the crews out there, some
of the first crews replanting and, you
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know, making sure that we were
doing reforestation after
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after cleared cuts and whatnot. And so he was part
of that crew early on when he first
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got here. But really, mom
is an RN, certified RN.
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So, soon thereafter, a couple
months, she got a job at
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Sacred Heart, and they moved to Eugene, and so we've been really in Eugene since then.
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And so you know in Eugene
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Jerome, my younger brother, was born,
our younger brother, in
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1972, Ayisha: Right, Eric:
And then soon after that, this movement of
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liberation and freedom was this idea,
this reaction to the assassination of Dr.
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King, this reaction to racism,
this reaction to capitalism, you know.
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So there are a lot of people
who really were looking to... Where
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do we live in peace, if
not the United States? Ayisha: Which is interesting...
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because this is the same thing that people are
talking about right now. Eric: Right, right!
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right. But if you look at Black history with
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Woodrow Wilson, (sic Carter Woodsen?) who was one of...
Woodsen who was one of our great
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great historians, told us that,
hey, we need to look south,
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there are African peoples from the tip of
the Americas to the southern tip of American
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and that our legacy means that we
should be able to go wherever our people
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have been. Ayisha: The Diaspora. Eric: And
that means we can go in anywhere in
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the world and try to find our
home. We don't have to be stuck
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in America, Ayisha: Right. Eric: So that
was kind of this idea of liberation,
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this idea of like, we can be
a global people. Literally. And so mom
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and dad in many ways, took
that call up. I think.
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By initially leaving St.Louis for Oregon, and then
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And like soon after being in Oregon, for a year,
we ended up living two years in South
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America, in Guyana, right? Ayisha: Right. Eric: Which is the only English speaking country
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in South America. Predominantly, or at least
fifty percent African American, or African, Black
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and American because of South America and
East India. So.. and then you
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have the aboriginaids, right fifteen
percent maybe, something like that. So
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you have this, this mix,
that people don't even know about to this day.
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The country of Guyana. And so our family lived there.
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That's... the Infamous Jonestown is in
Guyana, which we can talk about because
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that's part of the American... African American
experience. 900 African Americans
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from California died in Jonestown and Guyana
about two years after our family was living
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there. Ayisha: Yeah. Eric: And from what
I understand, dad played his bass in
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the church at Jonestown before we left. Ayisha: Wow, yeah, Eric: And so,
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yeah, yeah, so. And
mom wrote about it
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In one of the things... She actually wrote about
that. So, anyway, that was
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after we had been to Oregon.
We went for an experiment. They tried to
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live and build a dome. My
Dad had met Buckminster Fuller!
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Ayisha: Yeah, Eric: And this idea about
the dome is the perfect living space
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in the communal space. And, they
tried to do that in Guyana
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with group of families, nine families from
Oregon. Yeah, mixed race, mostly
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African American. That didn't
work out. After a two year experience.
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I, you know, I was a
kid at the time when I left
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Guyana, I was seven years old. Ayisha: Oh when you left? Eric: Yeah, You know, so yeah...
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We spent a year in St. Louis
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in 1975, 1976.... I saw
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the New Year's celebration.
I remember watching Dick Clark New Year's celebration going into
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the Bicentennial. 1976. A year before
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you were born. Right. Ayisha: That's wild. Eric: We were in
St Louis. Right. Yeah, it
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was me and Billy watching in
her room, watching it...
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that was really cool. But then
the next year, we ended up moving to
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Eugene. Yeah, and in
fact, when we drove from Eugene,
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dad had a Citroën and he and
mom and the kids we went there,
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and then dad drove his grandmother,
Grandma Karen, and the Citroën to the
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Eugene and we all lived... Ayisha: From St. Louis to Eugene. Eric: Yeah, yeah
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back in 19, it was 1976. And we moved to
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Trillium Street, up off of ...you
know, what is that? 18th Street.
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Trillium Street, and we had a
house up there, and that was in
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and Grandma Carrie lived with us. Ayisha: Grandma..
Eric: Born in 1900. Ayisha: Yeah, that's what it was...
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Eric: Born 1911 in Illinois, where our
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family's from. You know. So
our family's from Lebanon, Illinois,
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That's from 1900 on my dad's side. Right, and they came from Tennessee
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in the late eighteen hundreds. Ayisha: So
you're talking about, from Guyana,
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to Oregon then... Why did we
decide to stay here?
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Eric: Right, because we had been here before.
When we went to Guyana, we were in
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Oregon. Yeah, we were in
Oregon, and in Oregon
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it fit the spirit of our family, which
was at that time, which was, yeah
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We want to have a little freedom, we want to be able to
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build our own reality. We want
to be able to
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forge our thing, and so it is
that myth, so to speak,
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of that "Oh go west and find
your own" that type idea. But I
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think that we are still part of
that and that idea is part of that.
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It's like, as diasporic
Africans, we're still looking for our
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home, you know, and I
think that was part of what they were
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about. It was an aspirational kind
of mystery. We didn't know. So
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we did come here from St. Louis
with Grandma Carrie. Grandma Carrie passed away,
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at eighty years old in 1980. Ayisha: Wow.
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Eric: You know. And she she was how
we became Richardsons. Because at twenty two years
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old she had a son, Carlton
[Arsinia?] Richardson, but by
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a man who was never named, but
whose last name we know is Richardson.
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Ayisha: Right. Eric: So we don't know who
this individual is. So that's the part
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of our history as well. And
Carrie lived in Eugene, but she went back
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home to St Louis and she's buried
in Lebanon, Illinois with her son.
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in Lebanon, Illinois. So we've been
here in Eugene ever since then. But
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what we've brought to Eugene
the second time we came back from St
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Louis, Dad had grown up and
been part of the jazz world in St.
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Louis like the Free Jazz Movement,
the Art Ensemble of Chicago, the
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AAMC out of Chicago, Julius Hipfield [?], Oliver Lake [?]. These are
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contemporaries. You know Pakita, you
know Carol. There are a lot of
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brothers and sisters who played music
and danced out of St Louis who were
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International, and so dad brought the
Art Ensemble of Chicago here. During the
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70s. He became a DJ at KLCC, our local public radio station, for
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almost a decade, bringing African American
music and jazz in this perspective of African
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liberation and agency to the Willamette Valley
actually during the 70s and 80s. Through
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his bringing of jazz music and the
consideration of African studies. Because later on,
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from Dad's acquaintances, through the years,
he was able to bring to town
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individuals who are into the study of
Africa, like Alan Jefferson, and he
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also was a friends with other people. Ayisha: Nikki Giovanni, Eric: Yeah, Nikki Giovanni. You
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know I'm saying. So we, as a family, were always
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concerned about our African consciousness and our
African identity and agency. So the
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freedom for them, mom and dad, to be able to travel the world,
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to be able to see themselves in
other parts of the world, to
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see possibilities for advancement in Oregon,
you know what I'm saying, with people of
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multiracial backgrounds. So these were things
that they were forward-looking
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and I think that that's how our family really got to Oregon, is with that.
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And so, of course you were
born in what,
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1977, but Jerome is
born our first time here, before they
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went to Guyana. Ayisha: Yeah,
Seventy two. Eric: Right, seventy two,
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and I meant to mention that
before they went to Guyana, mom and
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dad went to Africa for six months. Ayisha: Yeah, yeah, Eric: They spent six
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months in Africa with Ornette Coleman.
My father is the bass player from St.
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Louis in the Black Artist Group,
and so he went with Ornette Coleman and
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played with the king's musicians in Morocco
and there's a record
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and album out there somewhere. But
anyway, so this whole idea of
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our family, having these roots where,
early on. really trying to search for our
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own identity, when mom and dad were
really young. You know
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we're talking about when they were in their early 20s and in their 30s... and then really, we're going
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to move to your experiences, from when
you start to become aware with what the families
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doing, which is kind of later
than my experience. Ayisha: Yeah, but that's
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for a minute though, I don't think we're ready... But why did we decide to stay
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here now? Like what? What? What made...you said just because this
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was the openness and the idea that
mom and dad wanted... in terms of just like
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the mental freedom. But I
guess it's going to move into my side...
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But I'm just so like curious about how they pair up..because you were kind of young too... but I'm just kind of like...
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If you take minds like, like Dad's,
bringing the Afrocentricity, and bringing the jazz
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and bringing the music, and then mom being
who she is, in this, such a space
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that just was absolutely missing that.
Kind of just beginning that whole...
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Eric: I have to show.... I have to kind
of refute that a little bit. Ayisha: Okay,
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it's because the space is different than
the people. And this space, we're in
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is a native space. Ayisha: Yeah.
Eric: You know, and this is a special
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place and there's specialness about Oregon and
where we are. Ayisha: Yeah. Eric: And so
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mom, but there's, also there was
an easiness for mom to work... Ayisha: Right... Eric: And
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be able to provide for us Ayisha: Right. Eric: And there was a safety within
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the spate, and the beauty... Ayisha: You mean
in the space, Eric: To the space, and
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the ease and and that has to
do with the actual physical space... Ayisha: Right,
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and maybe the spirit of the people
who have lived here. And so
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I think that is something that
they have always... and I appreciate, is
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that we attuned to that spiritual idea, and that we are in a special
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place, and they brought us here.
Ayisha: It's interesting because, like it's important,
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I think, to see that we
have a ten year span in our experiences.
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We're ten years apart, nine years
and months apart. So when I'm
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ten years old, you're already twenty. That's a whole world of experience that
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just absolutely different. So that's...
I think about that, because what you said
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about having that space, the space
versus the people. By time I was
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aware of the space, the people
like, it felt like, it all changed,
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Like that wasn't the center...Eric: the
spirit wasn't the same? Ayisha: It wasn't the same anymore.
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Right. And this
is why it's interesting when I think
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about the difference in perspective. It's
because if you're seeing the space in the
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spiritual meaning or what it actually is, like the space for what it actually
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is. And my experience is so
rotted out with the actual people refuting
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that space right? Kind of bringing, Eric: Yeah, and none of that happened...yeah... Ayisha: coming in and taking ownership in that space.
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And so our existence, I say
our meaning me and our little sister,
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Naima, who, we're only
thirteen months or fifteen months apart.
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So we came together as a pair, right. So our experience was
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very much balancing what was known of
the space and what the actuality of the
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space, like the reality of our
space was. So there's something, it's like,
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Eric: Yeah. Ayisha: Yeah, so it was
like, at home we had
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this deeper understanding. Eric: Right, it
is existed by existence. It's... Ayisha: Right,
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right, and then it really became...
because it wasn't it wasn't tangible in my
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experience outside of the house. Eric: Right. Ayisha: So then it became more of a
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spiritual, like almost, thought, than an actual
tangible reality for us. Even though we knew it
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was there. Does that make sense? Eric: Yeah, for a
lot of us, that's like a sad reality.
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You all could kind of like, feel
the aspirational wants and like movement that
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mom and dad had, Ayisha: Yeah. Eric:
And that you know, to be this
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actuated African person living in this African
space. Our space of acceptance and creativity
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and not... And then having to,
in some way, just accept for comfort,
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Ayisha: But think about it this way too...Eric: you know, accept, for comfort...an extent of that...
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Ayisha: But think about it this way, too. I was born in 1977. By
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1982, we had already moved out of Oregon. So something
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had switched where we went to Florida.
Eric: Yeah yeah. Ayisha: But I believe before we went to Florida,
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if I get this right, when
were we in Tuscon? Eric: But you know,
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so, no, before we went
to Tuscon, so yeah...
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so the time, right right. So you're
born in seventy seven, Naima, is in
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seventy eight. And
we had been in Eugene since
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seventy six. And
then by nineteen... Ayisha: eighty we were in Arizona.
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Eric: Yeah, in 1980. Ayisha: We were in Arizona. Eric: in 1980
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we moved to Arizona for six months. Ayisha: Okay. Eric: Not long. It was
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like not even a whole year.
What happened is that, right! And
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so we moved down there, and then, from what I understand, neither of
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you were in school yet. You
were... you were not... Ayisha: We started kindergarten Miami.
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Eric: And so we moved back. And dad, at that point, that move was precipitated,
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from what understand by Dad,
really kind of pursuing his bass playing
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and artistic opportunities with Ojulah
Rutley (sp?), right, he was part of
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the Black Artist Group back in the
day. He lived in Tuscon. And so
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Dad went down there, and there were
some opportunities and he actually had like a
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major performance of his music that he
wrote there with his trio groups. It's
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called Trios. Six months
later we ended up back in Eugene for
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about a year and a half and
then we ended up moving to Miami.
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And so a lot of this is
really, you know, a testimony to our
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dad in many ways, trying to find
his way as a creative Black man,
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and find a place where he can
be creative, make money for the family, and
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fulfill some of his ideas around creativity
and the agency. And Mom, the
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whole while is a Black woman, who was a skilled nurse and RN, really
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is supporting the family, working
in all these different spaces, setting that up,
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and so you know. So the
Miami trip was very hard. I
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don't know if you remember when we
first got there, staying at a hotel
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and eating really rough, you know, not much food and stuff, until
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mom was able to find it.
She was working while we were at the
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hotel until she found the house.
You know. So all this type of
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thing. And so all that happened. And I think that's the thing...Mom supported Dad's
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aspiration to really be fulfilled and useful
in the Black community. Because all these places
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he went, we're going to be...
for him to do these things in the
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Black community. Musically, in Miami
he worked in Liberty City and he brought
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Art Ensemble there. And Liberty City, if you look it up, is
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one of the like most poverty ridden
places in the United States. Black, a hundred percent
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Black, you know, very high
poverty rates, type of stuff. But he
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worked there at the recreation center bringing
music and all this other stuff,
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and mom, during that whole time, worked night shifts, around the clock
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down there. You know, so, she's trying to like
finance the dream, as I see
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it, so, after a while, here we find ourselves back in Miami,
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because that just doesn't work out,
for Dad. Ayisha: You mean back in Eugene?
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Eric: in Eugene, excuse me, right. And then from there he basically
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we stayed here from 1985 'til you all ended
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up going to to Costa Rica. So it's
a continuation. It never stopped, right?
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Their dream never stopped. Ayisha: Right.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
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My experience of that, and that other
half is like exactly what you're saying.
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It didn't stop. It was...It
was like the perspective
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changed, because I never saw it after that as like pursuing his dream....no.
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Not after that, because then it became...
and maybe it's because of my experience as
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the only Black girl in Cottage Grove, like just me and Naima after school.
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I think I physically fought every single
day, like actually physically fought every
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single day, and that's not an
exaggeration. And then, like so I
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think the perspective was about defending my,
defending my right to be Black, and to
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be knowledgeable, and to be conscious, and
to be present, and so we were
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constantly defending that space. So when
we left to Costa Rica, from
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my perspective it was about racism. Eric: Right. This is your home. Ayisha: It was about, yeah, it
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was, it was about this isn't...
this is no longer what it was.
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But what's hard from me there is
that, when, I'm listening to you
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and how dad and mom had this
pursuit of this dream and this diaspora
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and music and love and all of those
things... Whenever we come back to Eugene
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I'm always like, even now at forty five, I'm perplexed to why
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the hell do I pick up and come back
here? Eric: Well, being really clear about
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that. You know, this is where you
have to look at the multicultural aspect of it.
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Like I said, not only
is it the land, and the space
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Ayisha: Right. Eric: in the actual spirit of this
place, that there are actually people of
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good will...Ayisha: I know but that's not my...we're talking about my experience...Eric: No, but I'm just saying
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that's mom and dad. When you think about who they were with
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and who sustained them when they were
here. These are not Black folks,
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but there are people who kind of
saw that mystery and saw that dream and
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those are the people who sustained them
here and that's why they were here.
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Because those people were here, and are
here...but that goes
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counter to the narrative of Black consciousness
as maybe most people understand it. But
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they were understanding it, more about just
consciousness that has Black roots. Ayisha: Of course,
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right, right. Yeah, I
mean, I guess I've never grown
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up in a completely black community.
It's never been my reality. My reality
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is always been multicultural because of how
mom and dad raised us, which means
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I went to high school in Costa Rica, I
went to high school in the south.
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I lived in southern convoy, I lived on the
islands. Our perspective was very decidedly
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multicultural right, and it has
an Afrocentric center. Eric:Yeah. Ayisha: And
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, which includes Black culture. It
includes all of them, all
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of the things. Right. So, living here, I've always defended my
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space. Eric: Yeah. Ayisha: So Eugene for
me was not the reality that dad and
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the older siblings were having with this,
like, "we all came here together" White folks Black folks...
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That was not my reality. Eric: No. Ayisha: Literally just that ten year gap was
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a very defensive reality for... I was
defending myself from from a very young age.
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Right. Eric: No, I agree. Ayisha: Right, when we come home,
that's not mom and dad's reality, right?
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So I was living like, I say on my podcast,
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I was living a bicultural life. I
know, it was one reality in my
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home, and an absolutely
different one outside of there.
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Eric: And that's beautiful, because that's what DuBois is
talking about. W.E.B. DuBois talks
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about our dual reality, living in
like a white world and having a Black
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inner soul. Ayisha: Right. Eric: And so
I think that mom and dad in many
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ways didn't see what we
had to go through, what you had to go through...Ayisha: Yeah.
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Eric: And I think there was a time
when I realized that not everybody who
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was part of the fantasy. You know I'm saying? Yeah,
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Because when I was here early
on, you know, our family's part
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of the friends with Ken Kesey's family... Ayisha: Yeah, close. Eric:
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and the [?] family...Right, dad
was friends with them. I was just talking to
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him today about some stuff that
happened in 1975
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, right. But I remember
being at one point realizing, when I
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was like becoming older, that hey, not everybody in that crowd understood what
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I was talking about around... why
I was part of the crowd. Now,
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like you, how I identified with like John Fultry (sp?), right,
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and to me, John Fultry is essential to the movement. To understanding
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freedom and consciousness and being the conscious
person and going out there and, you
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know, part of the movement. And in
a lot of ways, I was so naive that
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at one point I thought like all
the white folks in town and everybody knew about
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jazz and Black Culture because dad was on the radio and stuff, and then I
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came to find out that was not true. You know, so the whole idea of just
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being really solid in your culture and
understanding that it's okay. You know,
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it's okay that not everybody's there, because
it still has validity. Ayisha: Yeah, and
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Eric: And being valid, and that's what I
you know, I take away from mom
381
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and dad is that they pushed so
much into it that it made it valid.
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What they were doing. Ayisha: And see, the
way that that works for me, is
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when I look back in my childhood, I realize how I didn't actually realize
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in the same fashion. that that we
were being seen and treated differently. I
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thought like Shine and Shezeree [sp?], and I
didn't see a difference between me and Shine
386
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and Shezeree and all the kids, like we were all [?]
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Right as I go on, Eric: It dawns on you... Ayisha: You
as you grow up and you start
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to realize I was the only Black
girl there. So when they said this
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thing. That's what they were talking
about. They weren't talking about this thing
390
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Eric: Right, right. Ayisha: And it gives
a sort of permission that I didn't even
391
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realize I was giving. And so, as I grew up, like
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to turn around and look at it
and be like, Eric: Right, you weren't standing
393
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up for yourself, Ayisha: no I didn't. Eric: You were just allowing that to be it. Ayisha: That's what I was.
394
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I was naive to know... And so
anyway. It's it's interesting as you
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stay and you realize and
you look back on the group and you
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look back at the reality of the
naivete. You know what I mean.
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Eric: So let us get to that. So all of this is about Ayisha.
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You know, and you, as
a Black woman, now you know.
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Three children, now, you know, and
grandchildren. Ayisha: Because you got to realize
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00:31:48.519 --> 00:31:52.920
when mom and dad left when
I was fifteen,
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your reality is...the year...we left here when I
was fifteen.
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00:31:56.200 --> 00:32:01.390
We left to Costa Rica. They did not return right for twenty
seven years. Yeah, so when
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I left at fifteen, I didn't
return back to Eugene until I was thirty two.
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Eric: Right. Ayisha: So between fifteen and thirty two, that Eugene, Oregon. Eric: Yeah. Ayisha: it's not my
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reality. Eric: Exactly. Ayisha: So when I came back as a thirty two year old woman and I looked at that shit and said,
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what in the hell was going on? Eric: And so what
do you see? What do you
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see in Eugene Oregon, now that
here you are, grandmother.
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Ayisha: Right. Eric: Black woman, Ayisha: Right,
Eric: When you look all the way back to 1971 in your family
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What do you see here? You know, and
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we don't have to talk about this particular question, but we
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can get to it. Yeah. Well, you know, there is
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00:32:38.359 --> 00:32:43.400
a sadness for people, for Black
folks here, and I'll just speak as
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00:32:43.400 --> 00:32:49.680
a Black woman when I talk to
other Black women who have been raised here,
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who have lived here who come in, and spend real time here, there's
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a sadness to...to... well especially when
you realize that you're trying to meet people
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halfway, and meeting people half way
means, you know, that whole bullshit
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of like you don't see color.
That was very real, very very real,
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until very recently and it's still a
central, a central argument to
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00:33:14.519 --> 00:33:20.160
the Hippie love that still surrounds us. Eric: Right. Ayisha: And then, like the thing
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is that you want to understand the
context... you want to understand the energy behind
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it, but the reality behind it
is so damaging and so painful that it's
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00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:32.839
almost... it's more painful to be different
and stand up for what, for that
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00:33:34.790 --> 00:33:37.599
duality that we grew up in.
It's better to just say I'll take the
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ignorance and just and downplay my
global connection so that I can get along
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Eric: Right. Ayisha: And that's actually super damaging. So when I realize, even up
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to fifteen, how much of what
I was, was compromised. Eric: Yeah. Ayisha: So
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00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:57.279
that I could actually be present.
So that I can play on the volleyball team, so
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00:33:57.319 --> 00:34:00.599
I can, you know, do the dance
class. I compromise myself deeply. Eric: Right.
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00:34:00.759 --> 00:34:04.640
Ayisha: And when I came back, Eric: So you could perform...Ayisha: So I could be
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00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:10.790
here right? You know, I was fighting every single day,
you know. So when I came back
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00:34:10.119 --> 00:34:15.119
as a thirty-two year old woman
after living in Hawaii, Costa Rica,
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California, Texas, Eric: Beautiful beautiful places. Ayisha: Just all these beautiful Brown cultures and
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people and thought process, and I
come back here and I say, Oh
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00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:30.320
my God, I can see it. I can see...Eric: In this country, and it's like folks
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00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:35.360
who themselves who just haven't been exposed, and who have been manipulated as workers
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00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:40.639
and others and say hey, we'll move on...Ayisha: And compromising. It's almost like the
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00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:47.559
conflict of being different isn't worth... isn't
worth the pursuit of my wholeness. if I
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were to stay here. Eric: Yeah, I feel you. Ayisha: And when
I talk to other black women...Eric: No it's important...
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00:34:52.679 --> 00:34:57.599
for being different. Ayisha: They feel trapped here. And there's there was none. And in
those years, I got away just in time.
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00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:00.440
Eric: And so we're getting to the end here. Do you feel like since twenty
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00:35:00.679 --> 00:35:05.280
since, you know, thing last
three years, pandemic, we had a
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00:35:05.320 --> 00:35:08.840
lot of national progess. Ayisha: What? Eric: You think
that things are getting better in Eugene?
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00:35:08.920 --> 00:35:13.920
around these issues in 2022. Here we are.
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00:35:14.390 --> 00:35:19.760
It's Black History Month. It's W.E.B. DuBois' birthday. You know...Ayisha: Things are
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00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:23.390
being expos... things are being... okay.
For the contrast of what I just said
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with the idea that there was this
fear of conflict, the fear of conflict
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00:35:28.360 --> 00:35:31.920
was very real and strong within the
culture of white supremacy, right, the
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00:35:31.920 --> 00:35:37.599
culture of Whiteness, that that fear
of conflict is a big deal. Eric: Yeah.
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00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:42.800
Ayisha: What I do see now is that
information is being talked about way more
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00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:45.719
than have ever seen it talked about, which me... I'm not going to say
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00:35:45.760 --> 00:35:49.719
that conflict is being welcomed, but
the idea that there might be a different
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00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:52.719
idea, that I might not know
something, there may be something on the
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00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:57.119
other side of this privilege that everyone keeps
talking about... that is happening. I
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00:35:57.119 --> 00:36:00.320
will say for sure, more than
I've ever witnessed it in Eugene.
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00:36:00.639 --> 00:36:04.760
More people are talking about it. But I can't say that I'm... I wouldn't
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00:36:04.840 --> 00:36:07.519
like whole haul... jump on
like 'Yes, it's changing, we're going
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00:36:07.559 --> 00:36:09.639
out of it" Nah, I wouldn't
do that. We have a really deep
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00:36:09.719 --> 00:36:16.390
seeded need to be liked, to
be non-confrontational. Right, to get
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00:36:16.790 --> 00:36:21.239
to the whole. 'Love is the
Answer,' right, but they want to
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00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:24.440
want to bypass the reality of the
harm has already been done. And so we
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00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:28.639
have to like actually realize that those people
who did stay here, when I got
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00:36:28.639 --> 00:36:30.880
to get out, and mom took me
to Costa Rica, Mom and Dad
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00:36:30.920 --> 00:36:35.440
took me to Costa Rica.... The folks who
got here, stayed here, still live
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00:36:35.519 --> 00:36:40.239
here. There's real, actual harm.
In that compromise to assimilate in that way,
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00:36:40.280 --> 00:36:47.280
and I think that's... without addressing and
welcoming that openness to be authentic, and grasp
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00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:52.960
your Blackness, grasp your Indigenous
roots, you know, and be proud about
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00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:54.840
that and let the space share that. Eric: Yeah. Ayisha: We
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00:36:54.840 --> 00:36:58.000
can't really move on to this other part.
Eric: Well, I'm happy to be here
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00:36:58.239 --> 00:37:02.390
on Kalapuya lands, with you, after all of these years. Ayisha: Eric: Mom and Dad, Thank you
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00:37:02.119 --> 00:37:07.960
for your Globe Trotting. Ayisha: Yes. It's been beautiful Ayisha: It's everything. Eric: Yeah. Thank you Ayisha.
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00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:21.159
Ayisha: Thank you, Eric.
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00:37:21.159 --> 00:37:25.280
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
If you've got your own Lane County story
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00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:29.519
to tell, we'd love to hear
it. At StoryHelix.Wordcrafters.Org
